Thank you Pablo. Is this thing on? Good. Good. Wonderful.
You see, Thorn, we'd like to make that change, we really would. You know we like you, and you know that making you happy, you personally, is our number one priority. You are a valued and integral part of this community! But you see, as much as we'd love to, as much as we really really would... well, we just can't Thorn. We want to make you happy, but we can't. Why? Because of terrorism.
You see, Terrorists need to be able to blend into a crowd, to pass unnoticed, for their abominable deeds to be successful. They need to be able to move in and out with nary a trace. If we only had it reporting who was on every fifteen minutes, we'd need someone to check that every fifteen minutes, just to make sure that a terrorist hasn't gotten through. Whew! That's a lot of work! I think you can see how we just don't have the manpower for that; we're spread to thin, doing the things that make you happy to be a part of the community.
Now, I know what you're thinking: Terrorists? In cyberspace? Yes. It's a very real danger. Your computer could be hacking into the government defense computers right now, stealing vital plans and passing them onto filthy, middle-eastern extremists! It's a very real threat that we all have to face every day; The Citadel of Truth, though a wonderous utopia where your every conceivable desire is catered to and fully satiated, is no exception to this rule. Remember, we maintain our utopia through constant watchfulness!
I know how you're feeling now, Thorn. You're feeling sad, hurt, frustrated, and you just can't figure out who to blame. Shucks, I even feel that way sometimes! But don't worry, Thorn, the answer is simple: Blame Muslims! This is entirely their fault! Without their foul terrorism and complete lack of respect for your privacy, we wouldn't have to do things like hacking into your personal directory to read your poetry. They make us do that, Thorn. THey do it, with their hatred and their lies and their lack of respect for you. We only want to keep you happy, to protect you from them, and also from yourself. Can you blame us? W#e do it all out of love.
If you find that blaming Muslims and perhaps writing rambling, sycophantic diatribes against them isn't enough to contain your feelings of anger, frustration and betrayal, remember: Behind every successful terrorist, there's Tweeg.