This makes me nervous (Matrix:Revolutions) *SPOILERS*

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Dynagrip
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Postby Dynagrip » Mon Nov 17, 2003 12:05 am

Say what you will about Rob, at least his rants were ale-fueled and you had the morning after post to look forward to. I kind of miss them. You should start drinking very heavily again Rob.

Anyhoo, as far as Kathy goes, she's a twat. Her age is no excuse. I've known teenagers, I still know teenagers and she falls at the very low end as far as maturity and ability to convey complex thoughts.

If she wants to storm off in a fit of histrionics, fuck her. I wouldn't fuck her though, I don't want my weewee to rot off.

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Postby water wings » Mon Nov 17, 2003 12:07 am

Yay!

No more Kathy! (hopefully)
I love Buny!

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Rob
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Postby Rob » Mon Nov 17, 2003 12:33 am

Dynagrip wrote:Say what you will about Rob, at least his rants were ale-fueled and you had the morning after post to look forward to. I kind of miss them. You should start drinking very heavily again Rob


Heh. I don't miss them. Now and again they slip out, still. But I don't miss them at all. Life is complex, untidy, painful, confusing and disjointed enough, without my constant shooting of myself in the foot. That, or putting said bloody foot into my big fucking mouth.


Interestingly enough, I went from being a bit troubled, self-absorbed (and infatuated with someone) to lurching completely off the ropes around this time last year. This time of the year is always a bit fucked up for me. I ought to be over this kind of thing now, but I don't think I am, really.

So yeah, Xmas approaches, and lots of skeletons and incredibly embarassing, difficult and just plain awkward situations will again bubble to the surface this year. I wonder what will happen to me. I can't decide whether to fake a mystery illness (which will prevent me from going to all the social things), to fake a more complex problem (which will "prevent" me from drinking, and thereby allow me to keep a lid on my emotions and thoughts whilst in those situations), or just to fuck off somewhere for a few weeks (which seems just as cowardly, in some weird way).

The bottom line for me is, I still work with my "friend". She's a fairly important part of what I do for a living, really. I work with her every day of the week, more or less. She's more of a proper friend and work-colleague now than ever "before". This is both a great and a terrible thing. I would rather be her "partner". If I'm being honest, I guess I'd still lie down and die for her, anytime. So what I have now is nowhere near what I want. But then again, I'd rather have the relationship I've got with her now, than not have any contact with her at all.

So, to try and maintain some kind of control, I don't get drunk with her much anymore, certainly not unless there's lots of other company there. I'm careful in the office with what I say. We rarely go for lunch together alone, and when we do it's always friendly, light kind of stuff. She tells me things about her boyfriend, and I just listen, I guess. For a while I wished I had a girlfriend to tell her about, as if that would somehow make things balanced or right in some weird ying/yang kind of way. But I don't want to do that. I just take an interest, help her out, accept her help gratefully when she offers it, and try to convince myself, her, and everyone that knows us, that she's just a decent female friend that I work with. She's not some interesting, magical, flawed gem that consumes my innermost thoughts constantly. Ho no, not at all.

And, away from her, I just don't drink so much anymore, anyway. The binge drinking has been greatly reduced. I have to work a lot right now, building things up. I don't have much free time, and when I do I'm usually not feeling very sociable. Although having said that, at weekends I'm quite happy to spend a few hours in a bar "on my own" - just saying hi to the guys I know who pass through the bar, read the paper, drink a little, walk home afterwards.

So that's why you don't get the rants. That, and I suspect that I'd have been banned from here if I'd continued much futher. :-)

I don't do them anymore. I'm much more in control these days. Everything is bottled up, stored away and allowed to slowly ease out and dissipate in the evenings when I'm at home, on my own. And that's another reason why you don't get so much personal stuff on here from me at all; you open the floodgates (like this) and it all comes out. Much better to keep the gates shut and concentrate on the important stuff - you know, like egging Dubyah. :-)



But thanks for bringing it up (sincerely). The first 6 months of us having this place was a blast, and some of the stuff where I was losing my grip was probably fun (or at least colourful) from an observer's perspective. And on the other days, it was fun anyway. But I'm really glad I've pretty-much stopped doing that stuff now. I have no idea where it could have led to, the trouble I was getting into was bad enough without contemplating where I'd have gone if unchecked. When your private life and your fuckhead online persona start to interfere with each other, shit happens.

I appreciate the candour and support that I got from most of you guys, too, and I thank you for that.

Right. I'm done. Sorry for the navel-gazing ramble.
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Postby Kauser » Mon Nov 17, 2003 12:34 am

That's okay Rob, if you combine the brievity of my posts, with your loquatiousness we come to about what an average post length should look like.
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Postby Rob » Mon Nov 17, 2003 12:35 am

Good point.
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Dynagrip
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Postby Dynagrip » Mon Nov 17, 2003 12:36 am

It was good, now do it again drunk.


I'm kidding. I've noticed a definite change since you've started drinking less. Your moods seem much more stable. I guess that's not saying so much coming from me. I'm not exactly known for being on an even keel. Anyway, good luck with all of that stuff. Holidays are rough for many people. They're rough for me because I'm exposed to my nutjob family for extended periods of time.

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Postby Kauser » Mon Nov 17, 2003 12:37 am

Start drinking expensive whiskey it worked for me.
Do not call up what you cannot put down.

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Postby Rob » Mon Nov 17, 2003 12:45 am

Heh, you guys.

I don't see my family too much at all, although this year has been really hard for a couple of them in different ways (a bereavement, a nasty separation and divorce, a life-threatening serious incapacity) and I think it wouldn't hurt me to go and make a bit of an effort this time. Apparently I'm the prodigal son who made good...

But yeah, you can pick your friends and you can make your enemies but you can't choose your family. :-)

You don't seem so unstable to me, Dyna. I've never noticed a mood thing with you. Sometimes you seem a bit quicker to bite than others maybe, but.... you cover it well. :-) Good luck with your own holiday demons.


As for the expensive whisky - I used to drink lots of Jack Daniels and Jim Beam. They're both pretty expensive over here - more or less comparable to the low-to-mid-range single malts.

My tolerance of spirits is pretty low these days. The days when I could drink a bottle of Jack and suffer a hangover for the following morning have gone - if I drank a bottle of it today I'd either die, or be ill in bed for at least a full day. :-(

I'd much rather neck beers. At some point, the sheer quantity of fluid fucks you over, long before any serious poisoning can kick in.
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Postby Kauser » Mon Nov 17, 2003 12:51 am

Wow.



Sour mash around here is like $14.00 for a handle.


Low end single malts here are around $30.00
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Postby Rob » Mon Nov 17, 2003 12:58 am

(quick scan of Tesco.com)

Bottle of Jack - about £17 ($30).

Bottle of Laphroaig Islay Single Malt Whisky - £18.

Of course, for us, one is an import and the other comes from just up the road. Same as for you, but they're the other way around. :-)
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Postby Kauser » Mon Nov 17, 2003 1:04 am

Handle of Jack in my cabinet, $14.00

750ml bottle of 50 year Glenlivet (also in my cabinet). $30.00
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Postby jeku meleku » Mon Nov 17, 2003 3:03 am

Waking up next to a human forest of body hair the next morning: priceless.

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Postby Luminaire » Mon Nov 17, 2003 3:43 am

I have a giant shit eating grin on, right this very instant. I never smile like this, unless something sexy is happening.

I love all of you, especially Jeku and Rob. Everyone.

Except Kathy. Goodbye Kathy. I would wish that you would stick around to help us, a lost community of intelligent and moderately successful and interesting people, conform to your perspective of self-pitying, but I would be lying if I wished for that.

Instead, I recommend you slam down a few strawberry-banana-Drano smoothies and sell your body on the streets of Pittsburgh as your insides turn to a poisoned organ soup.

And I want more people quoting and agreeing with me about Revolutions.

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Postby Thorn » Mon Nov 17, 2003 4:01 am

Woah, Lum actually has a Spider Jerusalem complex.

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Postby mtdew » Mon Nov 17, 2003 4:14 am

Luminaire wrote:I would wish that you would stick around to help us, a lost community of intelligent and moderately successful and interesting people, conform to your perspective of self-pitying, but I would be lying if I wished for that.


Does "stupidly over qualified" count as "moderately successful?"
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Postby Luminaire » Mon Nov 17, 2003 4:27 am

mtdew wrote:Does "stupidly over qualified" count as "moderately successful?"


Not really, but you win on both counts of intelligent and interesting.

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Postby Too-Much-Coffee Mistress » Mon Nov 17, 2003 4:43 am

Luminaire wrote:I have a giant shit eating grin on, right this very instant. I never smile like this, unless something sexy is happening.


Yeah. Definitely channeling some Spider here. You're just missing the derisive laughter...

And I want more people quoting and agreeing with me about Revolutions.


Nope ain't gonna happen I liked it too bad for you *thpppt* HA!
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Postby Square721BT » Mon Nov 17, 2003 6:16 am

Rob wrote:The bottom line for me is, I still work with my "friend". She's a fairly important part of what I do for a living, really. I work with her every day of the week, more or less. She's more of a proper friend and work-colleague now than ever "before". This is both a great and a terrible thing. I would rather be her "partner". If I'm being honest, I guess I'd still lie down and die for her, anytime. So what I have now is nowhere near what I want. But then again, I'd rather have the relationship I've got with her now, than not have any contact with her at all.

I had that with my friend who started dating my other friend. I eventually just shut off the crush. It got really weird, I'd catch myself wishing that they would break up or thinking of giving her bad advice so that they would break up, and then realize that I was basically plotting to fuck over my friends and felt terrible afterwards. And I was always afraid that she'd catch on. I'm still afraid; she's pretty intelligent and insightful. So, yeah, the easiest thing to do is to just force yourself to stop feeling anything.

And, away from her, I just don't drink so much anymore, anyway. The binge drinking has been greatly reduced. I have to work a lot right now, building things up. I don't have much free time, and when I do I'm usually not feeling very sociable. Although having said that, at weekends I'm quite happy to spend a few hours in a bar "on my own" - just saying hi to the guys I know who pass through the bar, read the paper, drink a little, walk home afterwards.

That makes sense to me. I've never understood the point of really trying to get drunk.
Actually, I'd think it was really cool if I saw Jesus in my icecream too. A tyrannosaur in an F14 would be even cooler.
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Postby Square721BT » Mon Nov 17, 2003 6:18 am

jeku meleku wrote:Waking up next to a human forest of body hair the next morning: priceless.

He told you about that?!
Actually, I'd think it was really cool if I saw Jesus in my icecream too. A tyrannosaur in an F14 would be even cooler.

-Bunyip, a man for all seasonings.

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Postby Square721BT » Mon Nov 17, 2003 6:22 am

I wish I had some good transmet right now. I love transmet. It and Sandman are just the best escapist comics ever made. When I read them, I forget about the world around me, and just live the story. They're on eof the few things that, when it ends, I really feel bad, simply because it's over.
Actually, I'd think it was really cool if I saw Jesus in my icecream too. A tyrannosaur in an F14 would be even cooler.

-Bunyip, a man for all seasonings.


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