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Dynagrip
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Postby Dynagrip » Thu May 12, 2005 2:11 am

There's a chance that I'll get something published in NY Times...or contributed to an article if you want to nitpick. I read a blurb on Boing Boing about a guy looking for material regarding tales of petty revenge and dealing with minor annoyances. I figured I could help out. So, anyone have their own stories of this sort of stuff? Feel like writing him at urbina@nytimes.com?

Dyna,
Thanks for this material. Its great.
Ian
-----Original Message-----
From: dynagrip@gmail.com
Date: Wed, 11 May 2005 16:00:45
To:<urbina@nytimes.com>
Subject: Annoyances

Hello, I saw a link on Boing Boing about a feature you were writing regarding petty revenge or dealing with minor annoyances. I've got quite a few examples. I'll go ahead and provide a couple of brief summaries.

-To defray the rising costs of movie tickets and in essence lower my student loans, I use my old college ID for student rates at the movie theater. I had to scrape off the expiration date with my keys. Although I am far older than in my picture, employees aren't going to exactly care that you're taking a couple of bucks away from some giant megaplex.

-At the cost of career development, I have made a habit of speaking my mind and responding in kind to any sort of harassment by management. One time I was told that I would have a gotten a better raise if I didn't look at my feet when I talked, thus improving my "interpersonal communication skills". I replied that was a rather personal thing to bring up in a negative manner...besides "you (to one manager) mumble, and Dave (manager above him) stutters, so what's the difference?" This had the effect of quickly ending the meeting, but unfortunately seems to have impacted my salary and promotions. So it goes.

-This next one deals with my reaction to uncivilized children in a grocery store. It might be a better example of my horribly misanthropic tendencies, but whatever.

I was once in a store, I think it was Kroger's, picking out a lock for gym in high school. As I was standing there I hear two kids, a boy and a girl around 8, begin a threecount. I don't really think anything of it, as the mom pushes them by me, the little shits hit 3 and then spit on me. I was pissed and tried to explain to their trailer trash mom what her little inbred fucks had done, but she didn't give a rat's ass. Anyhoo, they moved on about their merry business.

So I waited a bit and started working up as much phlegm as possible in my throat. I started a search pattern in the store hunting for my prey. Ahoy, they were in the produce section! The mom had walked off to look at the assorted fruit. I walked up behind the kids, made an exclamation to get them to turn around, and then spit in their face. Hurray for justice.

If any of these are what you had in mind, and you'd like me to elaborate, or perhaps provide other examples, feel free to let me know.

Regards,

Dynagrip

Eolh
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Postby Eolh » Thu May 12, 2005 4:56 am

You spit in a little kid's face? Really?
Your mind has been transported back in time...and to Mars.

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Dynagrip
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Postby Dynagrip » Thu May 12, 2005 5:07 am

They spit on me first!

Jat
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Postby Jat » Thu May 12, 2005 12:12 pm

I go to the automated kiosk thing and get senior citizen tickets. They're the same price as student tickets and look exactly the same.

Kauser
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Postby Kauser » Thu May 12, 2005 3:35 pm

I don't recall whether or not I told this story here, but this is one of the many Walmart stories.

Generally speaking I don't like crowded places.

This is why I normally do the bulk of my shopping after 11pm in places like Super Walmart.

This time was different, and I found myself stuck in a quagmire of human landmines trying to get from one end of the store. I'm trying to get around this couple who think it's fine to walk abreast of each other while pushing their kid in a carriage (not discounting the notion that they may have kidnapped it). There're pallets of crap in the center of the aisle, so no real room to work with. Eventually I find a place to duck in between pallets and get ahead of the Man/Woman (Husband/Wife, Girlfriend/Boyfriend, Concubine/Domitor, Whichever) and duck in between the pallets, dodge another block of people, and leap back through another set of pallets to land square in front of them.

I get clipped in the heel by the carriage, and the woman makes a comment about something. Doesn't really matter, not that it ever did, but they're looking at me and are none to happy. So what do I do? Defuse the situation by looking at child, then mother and saying, "Cute Kid, you using a manual, or are you planning to fuck him up all on your own?"

People get very skittish when put in a situation like that. After a couple seconds of Goldfish faces I left, got my shit, and got out.
Do not call up what you cannot put down.

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Lobstrosity
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Postby Lobstrosity » Thu May 12, 2005 4:40 pm

Well, in WoW when someone ganks my alt I bring in my main and kill them repeatedly...or does that not count?

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Dynagrip
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Postby Dynagrip » Thu May 12, 2005 5:23 pm

I am so fucking glad I never picked up that game.

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Lobstrosity
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Postby Lobstrosity » Thu May 12, 2005 5:30 pm

Yeah, I can find myself spending hours getting virtual "revenge."

hobokenbob
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Postby hobokenbob » Fri May 13, 2005 1:51 pm

Somehow I've managed not to have any really good walmart stories, this is probably because i avoid going there at all costs and when i do, like Kauser, I try to go when i'm sure it won't be crowded.

However BJs wholesale club is unavoidable. Not surprisingly that place is like a fatty magnet. Hard to imagine, considering they sell 5 gallon drums of mayo for 10 bucks..

I'm generally OK with people who're more rotund, I'm a bit overweight myself, and I can understand that it's sometimes tough for certain people to really get thin. But when you are wider than the cart, it's time to consider jenny craigs or something, fuck, you're wheezing from the effort of pushing a cart through a grocery store, it's now officially a health issue and not a vanity issue.

plus those fatties always seem to come in pairs, and walk slowly side by side down the isles slowing me down from my otherwise quick, efficient shopping method.
In fairness, we've been building 'ground zeros' near Iraqi mosques since March 2003.

Jason Mustian

Kauser
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Postby Kauser » Fri May 13, 2005 2:39 pm

Seen those, they generally come in two flavors.



Too fat for Denim

and the slightly larger "Too fat to wipe their own ass."


This latter tend to something known only as the "bathroom midget"
Do not call up what you cannot put down.


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