The most disorganised tosspot on the face of the planet

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Rob
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The most disorganised tosspot on the face of the planet

Postby Rob » Sun Nov 17, 2002 4:41 pm

That's me.


It's Sunday afternoon.

Normal people are in the pub, watching the Man Utd game.

I'm here at home, Joanne-less, with a huge pile of work to get through before the morning.


At 9am tomorrow I install some software in Liverpool, then I travel up to Blackburn and install it there too.

It's not ready yet. It's a long way from ready in some respects.


Why? Because I've not put enough effort in to getting it done while I had plenty of time. Now I have very little time left, and a mountain to climb.


I am the most useless, disorganised, weak-willed wanker in the whole fucking Omniverse.


Anyone think they're even a fraction as bad as I am? Bring it on.


Let's have your tales of uselessness, procrastination and general disorder. And once I've got 5 minutes, you can have some of mine. Deal?

Good.

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Postby SporkAndrew » Sun Nov 17, 2002 5:13 pm

It's sunday afternoon... On Monday I have Computing and two different English Literature classes... For Computing there's a "detailed report on the internal workings of a system" due in, and two different essays due for the two English classes... I should've also spent the weekend doing a first draft for my English Language coursework, which is due in Tuesday... (These were all set two weeks ago...)

Instead of spending today (and yesterday) doing these assignments, I spent Saturday writing HTML for some pictures I took on Friday, making the pages for my skating pictures at the Citadel, and making out with my girlfriend... Today I spent writing HTML for pictures I took last night, making the pictures internet-worthy and reading message boards / webcomics...

I'm tired, hungry, coughing up bits of my lungs and I can hardly breathe... But I can at least take tomorrow off to do some of the work...

(edit) I've also got a Computing "Assessment" on Tuesday... Apparently, if I don't get over 50%, I'm off the course... So, by the look of things, I'll be down to one A2 and one AS qualification when this year's done... We were told about this two weeks ago too... How much revision have I done...? ...None...

:rotate:

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Bag of Ass
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Postby Bag of Ass » Sun Nov 17, 2002 7:14 pm

Spork, never apologize or feel sorry for making out with your girlfriend. Heaven knows I never do.

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Rob
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Postby Rob » Sun Nov 17, 2002 8:22 pm

<div align="center">
Ladies and Gentlemen,

today you bear witness to one of the internet's most awe-inspiring - nay, truly defining moments....


the Citadel Of Truth, in association with Comedy Central, proudly presents:


Bag Of Ass: One Man And His Wit


ho yus

</div>

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Postby . » Sun Nov 17, 2002 8:22 pm

I hope coughing up the bits of lung has nothing to do with making out with your girlfriend..

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Postby SporkAndrew » Sun Nov 17, 2002 8:25 pm

Plut - Hopefully not...

Actually, come to think of it, I've probably caught the cold that she had on Friday, then made it about nine times worse by standing around outside in the next to freezing weather, being "the rock to cry on" for a completley wasted friend that felt like she needed to cry for a bit...

Meh, at least it means more time tomorrow to actually finish some of these assignments...

:rotate:

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Rob
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Postby Rob » Sun Nov 17, 2002 8:28 pm

So, I have about a day's worth of programming to do (never mind the testing) before 9am tomorrow.


What have I just spent an hour doing?


Obviously, watching episodes of the Osbournes that I downloaded from the net.


You see, this is the point I've been trying to make. I'm just a fucking idiot. We don't have enough time to finish the job, so let's just make life a little harder by wasting an hour we don't have. Fucking brilliant!



(Incidentally, this kind of oblivious fuckmuppetry is something that used to drive my fiance to repeatedly threaten to kill me. It possibly was the greatest single source of friction that I created between us - on her part, her constant refrains of "What are you thinking?", "What are you doing?", "Where are you going?", "Why are you doing that?", "Why are you so quiet tonight?" and "Whatever" were the reasons I would repeatedly threaten to kill her, too).

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Postby . » Sun Nov 17, 2002 8:31 pm

Weird.. I only threatened by fiance when she wouldn't stop sniping me in the head in CS.. and when she would beat me in CTR..


Or..

You know.. at least you aren't watching downloaded episodes of the Anna Nicole Smith show.. because I'd find you and kill you if you were..

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Rob
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Postby Rob » Sun Nov 17, 2002 8:40 pm

Anna Nicole Smith? Why would I watch that stuff?

Naah, Ozzy was a childhood hero of mine. He's looking a bit battered these days but the man's a star.



Re: the fiance thing - we didn't have FPS games back in those days of course. That still didn't mean that she couldn't snipe my fucking head off when I least expected it, usually with an airborne verbal grenade.

It wasn't all mindless violence though.

One day, mid-argument, I said, "If you say 'whatever' one more TIME, I swear that I will hunt you down and kill you with my own bare hands."

There wasn't even a pause - it was an instinctive verbal response from her, although the look of shock on her face as she said it revealed that she wasn't really in control of her mouth. "Whatever..."

I chased her round the house, half mad and half having fun, and she proceeded to the garage where she found a hammer on the bench.

Waving the hammer at me, she said something like, "If you come any closer I'll smash your brains in..."

And what did I say? What single word response could I possibly have uttered?

"Whatever."

Well, we collapsed in giggles. Maybe you had to be there.


Sometimes she could fucking hurt though, I've had punches on the arms and stuff that actually hurt. The cow. :-)

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Postby . » Sun Nov 17, 2002 8:46 pm

Rob wrote:Anna Nicole Smith? Why would I watch that stuff?

I'll ask you to shut up, kind sir.. as I have actually caught myself watching that show on TV.. I certainly wouldn't download it though..

Am I the only one who thinks the whole hitting situation just shouldn't be in a relationship? Do I need to take up abuse? Because I will..

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Magic Placebo
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Postby Magic Placebo » Sun Nov 17, 2002 8:48 pm

7 page article.

half of a 9 week semester to do it.

I waited until the last hour of the day before the deadline.
Image

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Rob
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Postby Rob » Sun Nov 17, 2002 8:49 pm

I never laid a finger on her in anger.

She used to successfully use that as a weapon in her own arsenal - I'd do something to annoy her, and WHAM! she's smack me on the arm.

Then she'd smile at me sweetly and utter that one word... (I seriously banned the word from the house for a week, once).

And every now and then, when she really did hurt me, I'd just play it up for half an hour and milk the sympathy. We were both pretty bad to each other, I guess. :-)

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Rob
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Postby Rob » Sun Nov 17, 2002 8:51 pm

That's the spirit, MP. I'm going to go and make a start now, as I reckon I've got maybe 3 usable hours before I need to turn in (I'm already pretty tired), and I could probably find another hour early in the morning before I have to set off.

So, it's mission impossible. Just for a fucking change. :-)

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Postby BHedL » Sun Nov 17, 2002 8:56 pm

Ok, this one time I had to do a CIM speech. CIM is some sort of benchmark thingy that seems to only be in Oregon. You get scored from one to six, and by tenth grade you need to have all fours at least. This was in eighth grade, by the way. I don't think that any other state cares weather you passed it or not, and therefore has no value whatsoever.

So, I had to do a speech on civil war uniforms. To this day, I still can't think of any topic more boring. How much is there to say? So, I basically did nothing for weeks, and then it was my turn to present the speech I didn't have. I told them everything that there was to know. Union = Blue, Confederates = Grey. And I used recycling bins as visual aids, as examples of the colors in question.

So, I think I got straight ones. And that was the end of that. Were the CIMs important, or were they worth a grade, I might've cared. But I don't.
My drive in life comes from the fear of mediocrity
Not slaving with the herd, running blind and aimless
SEIZE THE DAY

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Postby . » Sun Nov 17, 2002 9:42 pm

We have green recycling bins.

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Postby BHedL » Sun Nov 17, 2002 10:17 pm

Well, the ones in the school were blue and grey, but the ones that we use for garbage pickup are yellow.
My drive in life comes from the fear of mediocrity

Not slaving with the herd, running blind and aimless

SEIZE THE DAY

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Postby Ludovico » Sun Nov 17, 2002 10:27 pm

I have a three-page paper about my director's concept of a two-page play due a week and a half ago...
I was about to say that I didn't have anything else, then I remembered: I have a mandatory attendance Italian class that I haven't been going to ever since I made the decision to drop it. Only thing is I haven't dropped it yet, the withdrawal deadline is over, and now I have to petition to withdraw from it. They only let you do that if you have an excuse, though. Anybody got any excuses, because "I didn't feel like walking across the street to fill out the paperwork" probably won't fly...
-'Vico

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DampCat
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Postby DampCat » Mon Nov 18, 2002 12:26 am

"cause im not gonna go anyway" is a good one

or....

"cause i got syphilis and if you make me go i might be tempted to nob all of the other students and staff" might win them over

I was allowed to drop mandatory french and had an extra PE lesson instead cause i nver went

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Postby Thorn » Mon Nov 18, 2002 12:34 am

Image

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gorillaman
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Postby gorillaman » Mon Nov 18, 2002 3:20 am

I don't believe in doing things when you have plenty of time. It takes longer than cobbling everything together at the last minute, and you're expected to do it well.
Bollocks to that, turn up to your thing with ruffled hair and bags under your eyes, shout at people for no reason and complain constantly about 'bloody idiot dribble-tits, too fucking stupid to install their own god-damned software'. People will assume you're over-worked and should start feeling darned grateful you turned up at all, they won't even care you did a shitty job.

Besides, what kind of weirdo would put their career before Ozzy?


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