HOW TO BREAK INTO MY HOUSE [GFX]

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Tonic
not as meek as you thought, eh?
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HOW TO BREAK INTO MY HOUSE [GFX]

Postby Tonic » Wed Oct 30, 2002 7:20 am

I just got locked out of my house and had to break back in. I've been doing this for years, and it occured to me that I should let you all in on my little secret in case you find yourself wanting to break into my house too.
First, you need the appropriate tools. These two items can be found in my garage.
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A hammer and one of those flat metal things you use to spread spackle on holes in the wall. The hammer isn't absolutely necessary, but I find that it makes the whole process go much faster since you're harnessing the mighty power of the LEVER.
This is my door. I'll be breaking it shortly. Let's take a look at the doorknob.
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This is the doorknob.
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Lean against my door. You'll find that, while it doesn't open (Locked!) there is a small gap created between the frame (threshold) and the door itself.
Now, slide the thin metal plate of the spackle-thingy into this hole right next to the doorknob. Hold it there.
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Keep constant pressure against the door by leaning against it. Now, tap the end of the spackle thingy with the hammer, or the butt of your palm. Keep at this a while. Within five seconds the door should quake slightly and yield a quarter of an inch. Keep on tapping and the door will open momentarily.
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HOLY SHIT IT'S OPEN.
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Now, how did that work?
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You'll notice that the bolt in my door is inclined at an angle so that even when it's notched in the frame of the door, there's a gap where can jam in the spackle-thingy and jimmy it open.
The same theory lies behind the old 'open the door with a credit card' trick, but because of the nature of my door (You have to lean against it to create a gap between the frame and door), I prefer to use a stiff metal object (spackle thingy) to slide it past the bolt and a little bit more force (hence the hammer). Most burglars can get past this kind of lock easy, so smart people usually install a deadbolt, which lacks the inclined plane of a regular bolt.
SO NOW YOU'RE IN MY HOUSE, FATTY. FREE DONUTS FOR YOU!!!!
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Magic Placebo
i sukc
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Postby Magic Placebo » Wed Oct 30, 2002 7:25 am

Oh man, this is perfect nostalgia! Don Knotts perfect!
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Iago
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Postby Iago » Wed Oct 30, 2002 6:19 pm

Christ. Comedy gold. I laughed loud enough to make half the people in my office get up and come over to have a look.

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Square721BT
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Postby Square721BT » Wed Oct 30, 2002 6:32 pm

I don't think I get it.
Actually, I'd think it was really cool if I saw Jesus in my icecream too. A tyrannosaur in an F14 would be even cooler.
-Bunyip, a man for all seasonings.

WhiteboySushi
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Postby WhiteboySushi » Wed Oct 30, 2002 8:50 pm

MAN HANDS!!!
...

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DampCat
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Postby DampCat » Thu Oct 31, 2002 3:14 pm

Uh... Deja Vu... overwhelming... must... reach... lever

.
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Postby . » Thu Oct 31, 2002 4:26 pm

Hey Tonic.. you see all that crap to the left of your door on the ground? Hide a key in there, cumquat!
But it looks like you can kick the door down.. try that next time.. take pictures if you end up in the emergency room!

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Tonic
not as meek as you thought, eh?
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Postby Tonic » Fri Nov 01, 2002 3:38 am

. wrote:Hey Tonic.. you see all that crap to the left of your door on the ground? Hide a key in there, cumquat!
But it looks like you can kick the door down.. try that next time.. take pictures if you end up in the emergency room!


... key?

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Larlar
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Postby Larlar » Fri Jul 09, 2004 5:50 pm

I don't know how far down the page this thread is and I don't care. I linked directly to it from PA and I love it and I'm displaying my love for all to see and mock. Woo.

Best thread ever.
iwantanswers.png

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grug
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Postby grug » Wed Oct 20, 2004 5:30 pm

I agree with prickly.
Pretty pretty pretty.

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Wowbagger
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Postby Wowbagger » Wed Aug 23, 2006 6:48 pm

You're a jerk, Tonic, a complete kneebiter.

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Gobo
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Postby Gobo » Thu Aug 24, 2006 8:18 pm

Wowbagger?! WTF?

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nobody_important
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Postby nobody_important » Thu Aug 24, 2006 8:28 pm

I believe he means this gentleman.
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Bag of Ass
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Postby Bag of Ass » Thu Aug 24, 2006 8:44 pm

Haha, that's actually pretty funny.

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Token
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Postby Token » Thu Aug 24, 2006 8:47 pm

Second.
Although it was way over my head until the wiki link.
I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.

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Tonic
not as meek as you thought, eh?
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Postby Tonic » Sat Jun 20, 2009 11:52 am

bump

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Bag of Ass
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Postby Bag of Ass » Sat Jun 20, 2009 8:36 pm

Someone break in?

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OMGBEES
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Postby OMGBEES » Sun Jun 21, 2009 1:23 am

After all these years, I still don't get it.
Evocation vs. Definition: Become the water that names are writ in.

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pablo banquo
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Postby pablo banquo » Sun Jun 21, 2009 12:16 pm

I sense... necromancy...
i before e except after a few beers


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